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By ~HeXin~

1

The Longest Struggle of My Life

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This is it. This has outbeaten anything I had done in life. I can't begin explaining how I feel right now... well, mainly because it is not much. There is so much uncertainty suffocating me right now, the only things constant are rejections and failures. If anything, my confidence is slashed so many times that what's left is a pathetic hope that miracle exists in real life.

I have learnt to accept. The first time it happened, I was rather surprised, upset even. Then after the next few times I properly sat down and reflected upon myself, my mistakes and improvements that needed to be done. The continuous failures led me to sink into despair, depression and desperation.

As time goes on however, energy is drained. They say 'work hard'. Hard work pays, IF you succeed; if you don't, you fall back to square one. They say 'keep trying'. How will you know if you are going closer towards your goal, or that you are merely going in circles?

Having said that, 'keep trying' is the only thing left I can do. As aspiration, dreams and excitement die off, it is replaced by a dull persistance.

Sometimes it reminds me of the time I was in my Primary school. The teacher returns the homework that we submitted, calling out names. Once your name is called, you can sit down and the rest that remain standing will get their punishments. I remember the anxiety I felt (which was silly because I knew perfectly well whether I handed in my work or not). Only this time, only a few names will be called and the whole affair takes a painfully long time.

Interestingly, if there is a 3 digit lottery, it is easier to strike a lottery than to secure a job. Let's do that instead.

Ok, I am off to buy a lottery number now.

By ~HeXin~

1

Heng Yong's Biggest Day of his University Life (Presumably)

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Well done Heng Yong! You deserve it =)

By ~HeXin~

8

Third Year

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They say time flies, for me... time rocketed pass me.

I am now a miserable third year student at Warwick. I remember when I first walked pass Tocil third year blocks thinking ," They were given the quieter zones on campus, hmm, it must be because they have to concentrate on their work/study everyday."

Turned out I was right.

Since I got back on to campus, I haven't stop being preoccupied with something. Everything. Everyday's a mad rush. Wake up, work, bed.

And I can't believe I still couldn't catch up with everything, even with all the effort.


Anyone has a time-stopper I can borrow?

By ~HeXin~

1

Results are OUT

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OMG OMG OMG

I passed! And possibly scraped a first?!

Economics for Strategy 72
Accounting in Context 62 Ya ya, Accounting loves u and u love accounting.
Issues in Management Accounting 76 I knew this went well :)
Financial Reporting 1 68
Financial Reporting 2 67
Finance 1 71 class test is my life saviour. Oh... and the amazing ability of pure logic
Finance 2 73
Foundations of Information System 64
Global Environment of Business 58 i thought I did REALLY good in this. What the...
Global Integrative Project 72 this group work result is a joke. Seriously.

Overall: 68.3%
Never have I been sooo glad I got a 60s result. Literally so happy I thanked every God I prayed to. Only my fellow Warwick friends appreciate that mark though. My happiness lasted until I went on to the JPA loan application website. 69% = CGPA 2.74????!!! WHAT? For a CGPA 3.0 onwards, you need to get 76 or more. Who gets 76% at Warwick?! If rumour is true that only 5 students get a first every year for Accounting and Finance, and a first is anything above 68%, then there's no hope for Warwick students to get any JPAs in Malaysia.

DUH

By ~HeXin~

1

Pray for good weather tomorrow

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Exams are over! OVER!
After the last paper, everything was... still a blur. During exam period, everything was dis-orientated because I was studying day in day out, without much thought on what to cook/eat, wear... anything but studying. Now, it's because there's so much stuff to do, events to attend that I am literally as tired as the exam marathon time. Ok, maybe not as stressed.

Celebrated end of exams at Varsity with the bunch of peeps. Then went home and started throwing stuffs away, revision notes, books, magazines etc. Went to London yesterday with Quennezy, Angeline and Jess. Watched ‘Transformers' (FYI, it's the one movie that is out in UK FIRST before anywhere else in the world. Cant help but to watch it just so it's our turn to say, 'hey look, transformers was awesome! have you seen it? No? Oh ya, it's not out yet in your country.' Man, we are cool. Haha. Overall, london trip was fun but it burnt a hole in my bank account.

Now going to bed to get ready for my Barcelona trip with Jenny, HengYong and Aaron. Barcelona baby, here we come! Hola!

By ~HeXin~

2
Posted in
I a m s o s c r e w e d

The Finance 1 exam is bad. Bad because there wasn't enough time to do the questions. Bad because, the lecturer mistimed the exam. Bad because, my brain was stucked today. Bad because I couldnt even calculate how many days are there in a year (and I need that for my pricing calculations). Whatever the reason. I completely fumbled the whole paper. 80% of the paper was guess work. Ironically, I got 100% for the class test. That's how bad that went. The last time I felt so bad after an exam was 5 years ago, Chemistry in form 4.

I got 6% for that test.

Anyway, the worst is yet to come. I have now tonight to revise for 2 papers tomorrow. I hate the undergraduate office for timatabling the exam so close to each other. Tonight, yet again, is going to be a long night...

By ~HeXin~

0

Exam marathon

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Today was an intensive day. Mainly because i was trying to cram last minute as much information as possible for 2 of the largest essay-based exam i have, which took placed, well, back-to-back. 2 hour exam. Each. Halfway through the second one, my hand hurts so much, my brain hurts from my attempt to squeeze out everything I remember, my stomach hurts because, well, because it completes the miserable picture of a girl trying desperately to trick the examinor to thinking that she had done her revision, just like most of everybody else in the exam hall. I am so glad the exam questions went my way again, where I got the questions i hope for. But doing them well was another question. The economic exam was unfortunately hugely disappointing. Mid sentence, i thought to myself, what the hell am I doing? but I carried on drawing random graphs to fill the sheets while trying to sort out my thoughts. 2 down and 5 to go. This is by far the worse ever timetable I have got since, well, since when they don't matter. 7 paper (constituting 70% of my whole year of education) in 5 days, including saturday. I have now decided to 'revise' my 'expectations' dowawards in hope of scaring a 2.1. F if I don't even get that.
God bless me.

Having said that, I am so happy this is not A levels. At least my life doesn't depend on it.

By ~HeXin~

7

Warwick Swine Flu Case

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" As you may be aware from the local press and information on
the University website, a postgraduate student, resident on
the University campus, has tested positive for swine flu. 
The student has been given the antiviral treatment Tamiflu,
but has not been hospitalised, and is making a good recovery. 
This email is being circulated to all students to update you
on the current situation.

The University is working in close co-operation with the
relevant health professionals including the Health Protection
Agency.  Together we have identified the student’s closest
contacts and they are now also being issued with Tamiflu as a
precaution. Local health professionals are satisfied that the
University has taken all necessary precautions to contain this
case. We have been advised that the student concerned and
the identified contacts are not infectious. "

Swine flu at Warwick. It's happening....

By ~HeXin~

0
Posted in
1/6/09 GM Shares- $0.80

Dad you are sooo lucky!

By ~HeXin~

0

It's not just Malaysian Taxpayers' money that seems to go no where

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Following several scandals involving British MPs claiming (from taxpayers) expenses for clearing the moat, dry-rot treatment and a number of others that were all exposed to the public recently, this guy, Frank Cook came along and top the 'Ridiculous expense claim' list.

£5.00 for donation at Church.

Of course, he claimed that it was a 'genuine mistake' and that he had'no recollection that it happened at all'.

Somehow, all the MPs that were caught out seem to 'not realise' that they accidently claimed extra expenses from the public. Careless I suppose? I wonder would the story be similar if it was a payment made from their pockets. Will they 'accidentally' pay extra?

By ~HeXin~

0

Urgh, school. kids

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A friend from Warwick whom I have not seen for quite a while, asked me yesterday at Warwick Malaysian Student's Association's annual general election (which by the way, was a lot less entertaining than last year. You can literary FEEL the steam from the heated debate in the theater) whether I am free the next day to do some volunteering. I am not the do-good type of person, nor do I particularly like children (in fact, after today, I begin to think that I despise them), but I agreed to help her out on this occasion. 2 reasons. One, I haven't seen her for a long time, and it would be a good opportunity to catch up. Second, I have not done much volunteering despite being on the executive board for Warwick Volunteers and I thought I should probably do some contributions to the community.

Anyway, for those 2 goddamn reasons, I ended up waking at 7am, something I have not done for, hmm, maybe 2 months? and went to Westwood School, my first step into a school in the 'GREAT' Britain.

The school, unfortunately, was not that great. For one, the architect designer guy should be sacked. The whole place was a maze. I couldn't locate the staff room, the washroom, the classes, the staircase. In fact, I have a strong sensation that if I were to be dropped off somewhere within the school compound, I would probably never see sunshine again. You know those maze where you turn left, right, right, straight, left..... and still find yourself stuck in the middle of nowhere? That's how the school look like.

Let's move on to the actual event. We were there today for one purpose, culture awareness day. To educate the kids about immigrants, more specifically, assylum seekers. About 10 volunteers including me share the responsibility of conducting various educational classes: Communications, Caligraphy, Mock Immigration Games, Thai-boxing, all types of things to give them a general understanding about a different culture (and to let those brats know how lucky they are to be born overweight).

I was part of the cummunications and caligraphy group. I worked with 2 other volunteers from Warwick to teach them some basic Bengali (Shadhinota, Shadhinota), some Malay (I know, I know, but it's the only language I can speak apart from Chinese) and some Chinese caligraphy. One thing that I notice immediately is how active the kids are in class. I imagined it to be, Does anyone know this? Silence. Anyone wants to try? Silence. In actual fact it was, Can I try can I try? Look, I broke a chair! Look at that loserrrrr! Connor the Condom!!

Needless to say, I was clueless as to where to start. Keeping the class quiet? Seperating the fighting kids? Shout to be heard? By the way one thing that I know is that, don't as much as TOUCH the kids, you could end up in court. Desperately counting down to lunch break, i push back my urge to call every single teacher of mine since I was 4 to thank them for putting up with us when we were young.

I left at about 12 leaving the rest of the day with Michele and Moshan, both experienced volunteer in this aspect (I salute both of you) with Quennezy to get back to finishing my assessed essay. Overall it was quite an enriching day. I get to see how kids are educated in this country (or more like how teachers are educated by the constantly hyperactive kids) and realise the difficulties of being teachers as well as mums, both vital yet undervalued occupations in the modern business world.

To mum, this is for you. Happy Mother's Day.

By ~HeXin~

3

Bloggie Makeover

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Bored of the previous templete. Though I don't particularly like this new one, it will have to do while I decide whether to move my blog or not.

Been listening to some Britney Spears. I know, it's so 17 but I can't help it. Hate her yet absolutely love her at the same time. She's got loads of Grammy awards, she's been to everywhere in the world. Her every moves is news-worthy. She'd 2 divorces by the age of 27... Yeh, the American dream.

Granny's here! In England! Yay! Now I can visit her so she can make some mee hun kuey, some cantonese noodles, some char kuey teow for me! Only problem is, ticket's to sheffield from coventry cost 20 pounds, WITH rail card.

Exams looming. Next Thursday, FIS exam. Been to 1 lecture for the whole year, 3 seminars, and done no revision for it at all till now. Worst still, it's not in Accounting / Mathy language where I can write my way around the exams. It's in computer language! Some Enterprise Systems, SCM, ERP etc. Dan is right, you don't go about calling Photoshop some fancy Information System names like 'image editing application system' or something, you call Photoshop PHOTOSHOP. Not sure what the business school is thinking when they select this module for us but well... Just hope it is easy

Sometimes I wonder, how Malaysian University life is like. Higher Kiasu-ism index, lower social/external pressure i presume. By the way I just realised my English standard had fallen quite drastically since I came to UK. Someone tell me how is that possible.

By ~HeXin~

31

Appalling British eating habit

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I once had a meal: toad in a hole (sausages in some flour-based thingy), mushroom soup and apple crumble dessert at a friend's place. Curious, I looked at the label on each food packaging, calculating the nutrition value. My calculation left me in shock. That meal alone was about almost 2000 calories. Double my daily required amout of calories intake.

I began to observe since then, what British people are eating. Here's some observation of British eating habits.

Adding cheese to vegetables (eg: salad with cheese sprinkled on top, cauliflower cheese... etc)
Having chocolate cake, which in itself, is already horribly fattening, and adding double cream on top because otherwise it would be 'too dry'
Thinking there must be sugar and milk in tea (how can Chinese people drink tea without milk???)
Having cheese with biscuits after desert after dinner after starter. LARGE chunks on cheese on biscuits.
Full fat milk. Enough said.
Adding jam/sugar in oat porridge

No wonder most of them are obese

By ~HeXin~

0

Disappointing, but true

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"At the end of the day, you only have yourself to rely on"


By ~HeXin~

0

Rubbish

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Just got home from a skills development session at Warwick. It's called finding your voice and it basically teaches you how to control your voice when you do a presentation in front of an audience: volume, pitch, pauses, intonations etc. The tutor, a certified drama and voice trainer, led the training session very well and managed to make us bang head on into our fear, the horrified, embarassed, nervous feeling that we get when walking into a silent room with 20 people staring back at you, judging every single thing you do/ say.

Talked to one of my coursemates on the way home from campus. Realised how many people get on to a certain stage in their internship applications. Not many got an offer in the end, but many progressed somewhat. I have applied to possibly 10 companies, spending more than 1 full day's work on each, using a different strategy each time, trying to figure out what they want. Unfortunately, I have not managed to pass a single stage in a single firm, whilst most people who applied had somehow got somewhere. Even more unfortunately, I have completely no idea what was wrong with my applications. I had friend to proof read them, career advisors to give comments, and made all the necessary changes. Still, replies all start with, "Due to the high volume of excellent applications we received this year, I am sorry to say..."

Went online again to look for more opportunities. Many placements were filled, and even more placements were allocated to British or EEA nationals only. WHY, do i have to been born in MALAYSIA? I have completely no priviledges being a Malaysian (Chinese), be it that I apply for a placement in Malaysia or any where else in the world. This is rubbish.

Heard about the book, the 'secret' again. Maybe if I can use that positive thinking skill to sort of WILL the internships to come my way, I would be able to get somewhere.

After all the effort, I think maybe I should stop looking to get into investment banking. To some of you, this might sound like I am giving up, in fact, it is true if you look at it this way. But maybe, it is just realising the fact that you are just not good enough to do that, and would let it go and open up to look for opportunities elsewhere.

Now.

Where should I head?