Posted in
I was shortlisted to go for an interview for the JPA scholarship on the 5th April 2006, 8am, at Shah Alam. Before that, i hoped beyond hope that i would get a chance like this, and was a whole lot more confident that if given the chance, i might pull through the interview smoothly. Well, not now definitely. I shun thinking about it because, everytime i thought about it, i got really nervous. Come to think of it, i didnt really want to get that scholarship because i was forced to apply for actuarial science as i am not eligible to take Econonics because i did not take up that subject in SPM; and i did not really want to study actuarial science. I have to do a lot of preparations for that interview, but with just a few days? How could i improve?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This few days, I am quite unhappy with myself. Just now, i took a look at my friends' blog. She was so close with her family, i actually envied her. How i wish i could be that open with my family like her. It's not my family's fault. It's me. I do not know why, but i couldnt bring myself to express myself, to tell others what i like, what i dont... I couldnt bear to let anyone understand me at all because i would somehow feel vulnerable, and everytime i told someone, anyone, a secret or simply something about myself, i feel like crying. The guy i am with right now, he said i kept too much secret in me, he could feel how "compressed (if not a better word)" i am, and that it 'hurt' him to see me in that state. He worked very hard to get me to open up to him, and everytime he did, i ended up in an emotional-trubulence kinda state. Sometimes, i felt that i am such a fake person that i couldnt even be true to myself.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This few days, I am quite unhappy with myself. Just now, i took a look at my friends' blog. She was so close with her family, i actually envied her. How i wish i could be that open with my family like her. It's not my family's fault. It's me. I do not know why, but i couldnt bring myself to express myself, to tell others what i like, what i dont... I couldnt bear to let anyone understand me at all because i would somehow feel vulnerable, and everytime i told someone, anyone, a secret or simply something about myself, i feel like crying. The guy i am with right now, he said i kept too much secret in me, he could feel how "compressed (if not a better word)" i am, and that it 'hurt' him to see me in that state. He worked very hard to get me to open up to him, and everytime he did, i ended up in an emotional-trubulence kinda state. Sometimes, i felt that i am such a fake person that i couldnt even be true to myself.
